There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another

As of now I officially have trust issues. Don't fuckin' lie to me. If I find out that you have, you're nothing to me.

I got 2 finals left which I have to study for still. I got out of my final with 3 hours of sleep today and had a flat tire which I had to change and it fucking sucked. DO NOT CROSS ME RIGHT NOW. I'll fucking end you. No joke son.

For the first time in a long time, I legitimately like someone else. I've tried running it through my head over and over again wondering if maybe its just physical attraction or I just enjoy her company, but it's not. I've tried denying it by pushing these feelings away, convincing myself that I'm not good enough, and even settling for less and dating other girls in a sorry attempt to move on...but here I am.

It's kinda hard to portray the mix of emotions I feel right now. I'm confused cause I myself haven't been in this situation in such a long time, i'm not super sure of how to deal with it. I'm dissapointed cause she likes me too, then she's not sure if she likes or if she just enjoys the comfort I bring her. I'm bitter cause if god is really up there, I feel that he put me in her life at this time knowing that I'd be stuck on her and at the same time she wouldn't know what do with me. I'm sad cause I know he left a scar on her so deep, that even if just a little bit, I feel her hurt too. 

I know that despite her imperfections, her past and everything she is... she's what I want in a girl. But I don't wanna be selfish... I know she doesn't deserve to feel empty or incomplete, but whole and full of happiness and if I can help her attain this, I will. I hope that she knows that I'm different from other guys in that I care about who she is, and most importantly... that I'm not him. She needs time to heal...maybe she's scared, maybe I'm just not good enough to be with her, but only good enough to be her friend. Maybe, but who really knows... but I do know that because I respect her, I guess all I can do is take a step back.

For the first time in a long time I know what I want, but I don't know what to do...

Avant - Close To You

I wanna be the smile you put on your face...

It's been an interesting few weeks.

... but for some reason not interesting enough.

Sometimes I wonder whether its that I get bored really easily, or if maybe something's going on in my head that even I don't know about. No idea... I've just felt a little out of place for some reason.

Birthday was ok... if I didn't have a midterm the next day it would've been better cause then I would've gotten so drunk I don't think I'd remember much of it.So I guess it would've been awesome by default...?

Sessions at Blacks with Stenstrom this week have been awesome. I guess hitting the surf and catching big waves has been the first major highlight in my life for a while. I always seem to find my way back to the water, and in that feeling more complete than I did before. I already miss it... whoes down for Blacks Saturday morning?

This week is gonna suck. SOCC 140 paper which I will HAVE to turn in late on Thursday and fuckin' PSYCH 140 midterm same day. 4-way Cowboys and Indians exchange Thursday night with DG, THETA and Sig. Ep.... yes a great way to end a long week of school. Can you say, "blackout drunk"...? I know I sure can.

I feel so unhealthy. I used to be religious with nutrition and working out last year, and it seems like now I don't even care. All I do is go bodyboarding and do push ups at my apartments. I guess this quarter was the 'do whatever' quarter, but I really should take winter break to plan my next quarter and incorporate my old routine into my schedule. God knows I have a closet full of supplements... multivitamins, protein (SO MUCH FUCKING PROTEIN), nitric oxide, creatine, test boosters, herbs and preworkout drinks. All I need is $$$ to buy a fridge of food just for me... chicken breasts, salmon, lean steak, turkey breasts, tuna, veal, eggs, pasta, brown rice, sweet potatoes and a whole lot of veggies and fruits. Gotta get back to Juggernaut status.

Why does life always seem to short-change you...? I feel like I'm always asking for $100 and I always get 60. Stupid analogy I know, but fuckin A I'm tired of getting less than what I feel I deserve.

Someone bring me back to life... I feel kinda dead. No emo pun intended...I just don't know how else to say it. I feel like I woke up in the twilight zone or something.

Quietdrive - Maybe Misery

p.s. I WANT MY F**KIN TATTOO ALREADY!